Fairy Tale Endings

My family reunion was today.  When most people think of the phrase, "family reunion," they cringe.  Words like, "fighting," "gossiping," and "judging" come to mind.  But this was actually quite refreshing.  I got to see my new 2-month old cousin, my aunts and grandmother, and even my 87-year-old great grandmother who's still got quite the kick left in her.

And as I'm looking at the couples, I'm caught in a slight amusement at the musings of their relationships.  One of my aunts has been married almost longer than she's been single in her life and I couldn't help but wonder why...

What is it that makes that relationship, that marriage, so successful that they would do nothing more than want to be with each other?

"Maybe you're not the kind of girl to fall head-over-heels in love.  Maybe you're the kind who should marry her best friend."

We're taught to find true love, like in the fairy tales, like it's a needle in a haystack we have to sort through at some point before the end of our lives or we'll spend an eternity in a 2 bedroom, 2 story house with 15 cats all named, Bob, and those noisy little bratty neighbor kids that rake their sticks up and down your fence at night right when you're trying to go to bed 'cause you're old and can't stay awake past 3pm.  We're told about these amazing stories of love at first sight and people knowing the moment they saw each other they would live happily ever after.  But have you ever seen that happen?

How many times have you heard, "Don't ever get married!  Or if you do, be prepared for the ball and chain!" Marriages don't have to be like that.  People get married for all those wrong reasons and even though you would think we'd know how to pick the perfect one by now, we don't.  And with the percentage of Americans who end up divorced, I now have the rest of my life to figure out if all my decisions were the right ones or the wrong ones.
Man, they better be the right ones.... Because to be quite honest, I don't want to waste my time on someone who's not going to be the right one for me.

But whoever I pick, and whomever picks me, better be ready - 'cause I don't do well with spiders.

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Just Breathe

Breathing.  Panting.  Heart beating.  Harder.  Legs hurting.  Running.  Breathing.  Running.  Faster.  Jumping.  Leaping.  Running.  Panting.  Faster.  Leaves in your face.  Blurred.  Mossy trees.  Musky air.  Humid.  Chirping birds.  Paws pounding the ground.  Gaining.  Getting louder.  Getting quicker.  Stumbling over sticks.  Breathing.  Hands slapping at the branches.  Palms pulsing.  Eyes watering.  Running.  Toes bending.  Knees weakening.  Falling to the ground.  Rocks scraping skin.  Body tumbling down.  Silence.

Pain.  Creeping up the body.  Pushing up off the ground.  Head spinning.  Paws pounding.  Veins pumping.  Spinning.  Breathing.  Getting closer.  Run.  RUN.  Running.  Crying.  Screaming silently.  Gasping.  Jumping.

Stop.

Don't look.  Don't look.  Don't move.  Don't scream.  Don't look.  Maybe it will all go away.

Addiction

There once was a little boy
Who'd find joy when he'd destroy
The worlds of bugs and ants.
His destruction became obsession
And his morality in question
Upon the cause of his deception of his mother's plants.
This boy grew to be a man.
Time rolled on and he began
To realize what he'd done.
He'd integrated himself unto
The lives everyday of someone new
To find their weaknesses through and through 'til he'd had his fun.
But instead of a remorse
Fed their faults to them in force
To grow an appetite
For all the things that they desire.
Pushing, building their intake higher,
Not 'til they begged would he retire once they'd lost their fight.
Now he comes to you to flaunt
All the things he knew you'd want
To at one point pursue.
Listen to him, your eyes are clearer.
And as he pulls you even nearer
He suddenly looks in the mirror only to see you.

The Fish

Maybe it really isn't me.  Maybe it's them.  I always hated that line, "it's not you - it's me," 'cause it's a BLATANT lie.  At least if you're going to lie, make it a good one.
I'm not lonely.  I'm frustrated at myself for having certain thoughts and not being able to take them out of my head.  I'm emotional.  I'm woman.
It's funny how people change around other people.  One minute you're all smiles and so very talkative.  The next you're the wallflower and depressed.  Is it really that hard to be the same person all the time?
Are we so caught up in our own lives that we forget how we affect others?
There once was a bird.  But her wings broke.  It wasn't her fault - it was the tree that lashed out at her in the wind.  But she shouldn't have been in the tree.  So it really was her fault.  Until the mayor came to wash her away in one swoop.  She became sushi.  People ate her and they loved her and she didn't like it very much, but it's work so she's supposed to like it.  One day she'll be a bird again.... One day.  At least the happy ending is that she knows that one day will come.  I promised her it would.

Talk to me.

A man was walking by me at work today, but decided at the last minute to stop and just start talking.  Not about anything in particular, but just work and school and God and living pretty much paycheck to paycheck.  He was so intrigued about me and I don't know why.

It reminds me of the time a man followed me around Borders for half an hour.  He was creepy and no matter what section I was in, I couldn't lose him off my tail.  I decided to instead take a book and sit down in a crowded area where I would feel safe.  He walked up behind me, whispered in my ear, "136," and walked away.  The book I picked up was an IQ quiz book.  The number I got at the end was 136.

On a family vacation in New Mexico, my family walked into a rug and blanket shop.  The front of the shop had no windows and the only window on the door was covered by an oversized rug.  I stayed behind to look at the mountains and ended up going inside about 20 minutes later, following a different family.  Almost immediately a man walked up to me and pointed out my sister.  I confirmed.  He said that I play piano and violin - I did.  He said my sister will play soccer and that I will be famous.  Over ten years later, my sister Alex was born.  Once old enough, she enrolled in soccer.

People talk to me.  People tell me strange things.  I think I've become accustomed to it by now, but I still don't know what to make of it.  Should I believe in auras?  Or in fate?  I think that's a discussion for another day.

Random thoughts

Everyday has a possibility of a miracle.

I think I test myself in unnecessary ways.

Why do I consistently find myself wanting to be someone else?

Bucket List

Come up with (at least) 1000 items for this list.

Visit 25 nations (airport terminals don't count).

Visit all 50 states.

Visit Mount Rushmore

Walk on the Great Wall of China.

Helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.

Go to a drive-in movie theater.

Design and program a video game.

Write and sell a book.

Make a website

Marry.

Send a message in a bottle.

Sleep a night in a snow fort I built.

Fly a kite.

Learn how to swim.

Swim across a large lake.

Flatten coins on a train track.

Lie in bed an entire day.

Eat a large, live insect.

Ride a mechanical bull.

Ride a rollercoaster.

Write a letter to the editor.

Grow and eat my own vegetables.

Sleep under the stars.

Have a meaningful conversation with a beggar.

Hit a home run.

Learn how to bat.

Adopt an accent for an entire day.

Take a long road trip with friends.

Sing karaoke enthusiastically.

Start a business.

Call or write my congressperson.

Have cosmetic surgery.

Fire a shotgun.

Be an egg donor.

Have my picture in a newspaper.

Kill and prepare an animal for eating.

Build my own PC.

Dye my hair nonsensically.

Live abroad.

Do 100 pushups in a row.

Write a letter of thanks for a good product or customer service.

Write a letter of complaint for a bad product or customer service.

Call a “How Am I Driving?” number.

Climb a tall tree all the way to the top.

See the Harlem Globetrotters play.

Put on and act in a stage performance.

See the northern lights.

Yell "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" in a crowded area.

Conquer a powerful addiction, 'cold turkey' style.

Learn to say the alphabet backwards really, really fast.

Meet someone I met on the Internet in real life.

Fast (intake nothing but water) for 72 hours.

Tutor a mentally challenged student.

Build a working piece of furniture.

Get professionally certified.

Converse with a parrot.

Learn a programming language.

Vote.

Have your clothes ripped off your body, like in the movies.

Actually comprehend my finances and taxes.

Host an outdoor barbeque.

Be on TV.

See an annular solar eclipse.

Make a once-in-a-lifetime basketball shot.

Provide the police with an anonymous tip.

Shower in the rain.

Visit an intentional community.

Hitchhike.

Be successfully self-employed.

Use another religious worldview for a whole day.

Practice meditation.

See a lunar eclipse

Attend Carnival in Brazil

Fly in a hot air balloon

Go on a safari

Swim with dolphins

Earn your degree

Get out of debt

Save about 6 months worth of expenses in case of emergencies

Max out your 401K

Honor your parents

Live with an animal its entire life

Get arrested for protesting something

Go wading in a public fountain

Have a child

Hop a ride in the back of a truck without asking

Pull off an April Fool’s joke that effects over 30 people

Steal a sign

Collect a complete set of U.S. quarters

Take a night course in something (French I)

Spend a whole day just watching DVDs

Order 3 Subway subs I haven’t tried

Go scuba diving

Go sledding

Go hang gliding

Chase a tornado

Bartend

Learn at least three different languages proficiently

Go parasailing

Ride a sky coaster

Worlds of Fun (Kansas City, MO) - 180ft

Sky Coaster (Orlando, FL) - 300ft

Go to Tokyo Disneyland

Eat sushi from a sushi bar

Own a house

Redecorate and organize my house

Eat crepes in Paris

Sit front row center

Stay in a 5-star hotel

Live off of room service for a while

Kiss under fireworks

Kill a zombie

Visit a grave

Visit the Harry Potter theme park

Visit the Great Barrier Reef

Go to Iceland

Build a time capsule

Visit the pyramids of Egypt

Meet someone famous (John Travolta)

Go fishing

Swim in the ocean

Learn how to belly dance

Learn salsa

Learn how to waltz

Learn how to swing dance

Shoot a bow and arrow

Shoot a handgun

See the Earth from space

Find that job you love

Learn to relax

Try all 31 flavors

Have grandchildren

Live by the beach

Live by the mountains

Live in the plains

Drop something off a cliff

Make my first million

Become a better cook

Learn everything about cars

Learn how to sail

Build a house

Volunteer to help someone you don’t know

Gamble in Las Vegas. And win.

Attend a wine tasting

Tell a taxi cab driver to, “Follow that car!”

Ride a gondola in Venice

Upload something onto YouTube

Fall in love

Fall out of love

Fall in love again

Take the subway

Study abroad

Teach English

Go on a road trip with no predetermined destination

Learn to play an instrument

Bake brownies

Achieve my ideal weight

Love my body

Dance like no one is watching

Cry out in happiness

Go on a cruise

Donate blood

Read a book in a day

Play chess

Eat pizza in Italy

Plant a tree

Go to a sports event

Adopt a pet

Let go of a grudge

Know what it’s like to be dirt poor

Experience what it’s like to be extremely rich

Go a month without the internet

Stay up all night just to watch the sun rise

Go camping

Sleep in a hammock

Go horseback riding

Go horseback riding on a beach

Write a will

Go on a honeymoon

Lick the bowl clean

Be an extra in a movie

Ride a motorcycle

Own a summer home

Play truth or dare

Have breakfast in bed

Make breakfast in bed for someone else

Research my family tree

Grow food in my backyard

Get a promotion

Watch the sun set

Ace a test

Take a dance class

Take a cooking class

Volunteer at a nursing home

Win a raffle

Attend a concert at Carnegie Hall

Learn sign language

Be financially independent

Overcome shyness

Live in New York City

Get honors in school

Learn to play the piano

Spend a night in a haunted house

Have something named after me

Learn to juggle

Befriend someone I don’t like

Throw a huge party and invite every one of my friends

Learn how to take a compliment

Accept myself

Make a hole-in-one

Get asked out by a stranger

Fly first class

Be in a food fight

Do yoga

Meet the U.S. President in person

Learn to ski

Board a train

Visit an all-inclusive spa

Watch an IMAX movie

See an active volcano

Take a course in self-defense

Buy a telescope

Go to a comedy club

Have a candlelit bath

Learn to use chopsticks

Crash a party

Have a yard sale

Have more than one job

Make ice cream from scratch

Follow a rainbow

Surprise someone with a visit

Go a month without junk food

Go a year without fast food

Watch a meteor shower

Wish upon a star

Take a walk in the rain

Get caught in the rain

Build a sand castle

Go clubbing

Give money to someone homeless

Do a favor for a stranger

Go vegan

Make new friends

Have a pen pal in another country

Take a bubble bath

Go to Niagara Falls

Ask someone to dance

Send flowers for no reason

Learn a magic trick

Have a picnic

Read a classical novel

Find a four-leaf clover

Learn to drive a stick

Ride in a limo

Go whale watching

Impact someone

Be a mentor

Do Tai Chi

Draw a picture of something and give it to someone at college, even if it’s just taping it on their door

Take lots of pictures

Make a scrapbook

Fill up a room with balloons

Give someone a box in a box in a box type of gift

Kiss someone just because

Tell someone the complete truth

Eat ice cream outside in winter (in Florida)

Treat someone to dinner

Try every flavor of Jones Soda

Send 1000 postcards into the world (postcrossing.com)

Receive 1000 postcards back (postcrossing.com)

Give a stranger a Christmas gift

Go up a down escalator

Go down an up escalator

Get my tarot cards read

Make a 3.5 GPA this semester

Take a homeless person to dinner

Talk to a stranger on a train

Grow a bonsai tree

Earn a 4.0 GPA

Keep a New Year’s resolution

Have a New Year’s kiss

Get so drunk I can’t remember the evening before

Get a passport

Workout consistently

Pet a tiger (two baby Siberians)

Hold a panda bear

Be in a friend’s wedding

See the Mona Lisa

Solve the Rubik’s Cube

See a play on Broadway (Off-Broadway: Beauty and the Beast)

Ride an elephant

Stay in an ice hotel

Read the Lord of the Rings

Straighten my teeth

Look good in a bikini

See an orchestra live in concert

Make wine by stomping on grapes

Take advantage of the whole bed

Learn how to change a tire

Hone a signature lingerie style

Plan a wedding

Start a pleasure ritual that a relationship status change can’t disturb

Set up a home in a way that fits my needs (coffee maker in the bathroom)

Throw a wild and crazy party

Eat what I want when I want

Get finances in order

Go to Las Vegas before marriage

Throw away all traces of past relationships

Get plastered and sleep as late as I want

Go on a weekend getaway alone

Buy my dream item

Enjoy life

Dance with a stranger

Learn to play golf

Have a fling with someone who doesn’t speak English

Earn my master’s degree

Get a Ph.D.

Have a library of movies

Travel somewhere alone with no intention of meeting someone else there

Figure out how the numbering system in this list is off and by how many numbers (just one - see #114) - not applicable on blogger.

Fix the numbering system - not applicable on blogger.

See my great grandchildren

Deface something

Punch someone in the face

Slap someone in the face

Own a pet rock

Send something around the world (to China) (to Brazil)

Tell someone off

Own the complete works of Leonardo DaVinci

Visit Walt Disney World

Visit Disneyland

Live in Walt Disney World (Aug. 2007-Jan. 2008)

Work at the #1 ride in Walt Disney World (Epcot: Soarin’)

Go out of state for a spring break

Ride a double-decker bus

See Casablanca

Lose 30 pounds

Test drive a really expensive car

Visit the Hofbräuhaus in Munich, Germany

Give up all collections except for one

Move in to my first house

Have a class and teach the elderly

I have a confession:

I strive for perfection. And it stresses me out beyond belief.

I hate complaining, but I do it all time time. And it lowers my self-value when I realize I'm doing it.

I have secrets no one knows about. I doubt many ever will.

I want to be exotic. Exotic = wanted. I want to be wanted.

I think about so many blog entries before actually sitting down to write one - and not even that one makes it to the screen.

I need 8hrs of sleep a night.

I used to be part goth in high school.

I love holidays, but I don't care for celebrating them.

I could cuddle with anyone, anywhere, anytime with or without the romantic involvement.

I don't know how to do basic math.

I want to be eternal.

I want to rent a puppy. And buy a kitten.

I want, more than anything in the world, to be a mother.

I'm incredibly lazy.

I don't like to lie. And I'm really good at it.

I'm broke.

I think the sexiest thing anyone can have is knowledge. Knowledge creates confidence. And that combined with a little aggression will make you dynamic.

I love being a female.

I'm always cold and I'm always hungry.

I wish upon stars. Almost everyday. Always the same wish.

I've never told anyone that wish.