My dream

I had a dream about you.  And she was running towards me.  She was so grown up.  It was dusk.  You weren't running, but you were holding your hair up.  And you were smiling.  And you were happy - so happy I could see it.  I remember hugging you and laughing and saying, "I missed you, too."  And how her hair flew in the cool ocean breeze.  How the sand felt on my feet with my suitcase being rolled behind me.  And how your cottage looked.  Everything so vividly.  And I slept in peace knowing you were there.

That's How You Know Today's A Good Day

The most amazing thing ever happened yesterday!!

I'm helping a "guest" in the checkout lane who is arguing over the price of a gazebo.  She wants it for almost $100 lower than the price listed and I say no.  So she yells at me, pushes the giant piece of lumber in a box into my face saying, "I'd catch that if I were you!!" and then storms off and out the door because our clearance price was not good enough for her... -typical response.
About 5 minutes later, she decides to come back inside in one great huff and sticks a finger in my face.
"I'm going to take a picture of that sign to show you how messed up your store is!"  She stomps off again.

Okay, at this point, I don't really care what she does.  She can even take a picture of my backside as long as she just goes away....  Not only do I have to find somewhere to put this 9ft top-heavy box sticking out of a cart and help everyone else in line, but I now have the lovely feeling of the impending doom awaiting whenever she decides to come back.

Finally, after sitting and twiddling my thumbs, biting my fingernail, and hopping up and down like a puppy when they know their favorite person ever is about to come home..... she appears.  She holds her finger above her head, wagging it furiously, and greets me with an, "I'm sorry."

I literally did a double-take! "Whaaa-?"

"I must have misinterpreted the sign.  I was in a hurry.  My mother sent me in last minute to get some things and you know how that is..."
I asked her if we could get the other one she's looking for, but apparently we're all out.
"I'm so sorry again.  Thanks for your help!  See ya later!"

She almost giggles in her own pride that she was able to be the bigger person about it and skips out of the store, probably forgetting exactly how angry she was with me not 15 minutes before when I thought her head was going to swivel around in its axis with glowing red eyes and shoot flames at me through her teeth.  Apparently now we're BFFs!  Look.... I made a new friend.

Welcome to Retail

I quite frequently read a blog about the food service industry by The Bitchy Waiter (a must-read, btw!) and it's HILARIOUS.  He talks about the work involved, the things you have to watch out for, and -of course- all the stupid people that come with the job...  Well, Bitchy Waiter, I relate to you.  I don't work in the food service industry (anymore...), but I do work in retail.  And man, there are some STUPID people out there!  This post is in honor of you:

When working in retail, you come across all sorts of annoying things -

• People who hand you lists and expects you to go shopping for them, regardless of what you were doing when they found you.
• People who allow their kids to throw balls, towels, frozen shrimp packages, popped popcorn, and marbles down the aisles until someone else complains.  In which case, they act as if they are surprised that their kid would ever do such a thing and then "reprimand" their child by saying, "Now Johnny..."
• Stolen condoms.
• People who put change on the counter instead of in your open hand right in front of their face.
• That one really annoying person who knocks something off the shelf, looks at it, and walks away.
• Stolen movies.
• The co-worker who's always SUPER excited to be at work to fold towels.
• Fake money.
• Children paying in nothing but pennies and its parent thinking it's so "darling!"
• Screaming children.
• Children who can't hold their bladder.
• Adults who can't hold their bladder.
• People who return things with a long story describing every detail about how the shirt wouldn't fit their overweight spouse.
• People who get in your line when you clearly just told them you're closed.
• Stolen CDs.
• Clothing items in the milk cooler.
• People who threaten to go to Wal-mart or Best Buy or Target..
• People who get in line and start unloading, only to go back for that "one last thing!" and hold up everyone else.
• Black Friday
• People on their cell phone when they're talking to you.
• People who yell my name off of my name tag from down the aisle as if they're my best buddy.
• People who walk in as we're closing to "just get something really quick!"
• That old guy who snaps his fingers at me to get my attention.
• People who touch me.
• People who don't understand tax...
• Fake IDs.
• The morning person that comes in every day right as we open and cleans the register out of cash.
• All the stuff left behind and returned at the end of the night that we have to stay later to put away.
• People who ask for rolls of coins.
• People who ask for advice and no matter how sophisticated it is, your answer will never be good enough.
• People who think they're better than you because you're "serving" them.

There are a lot of up-sides, too, though.

Like:

• Box knives.
• Free candy.

....Wait, there's got to be more than that, right?  Right?

How Dare You...

Why did you do that?  Why?  What made you think that you had any right to do something so drastic; to think of anything like that to begin with?  How could you?  No... How dare you?!
You doubted yourself.  You thought the worst.  You thought about giving everything up just because you didn't know what would come next.  Who cares?!  Man... Isn't that what life is about?  Is that not the definition of a risk?  And you are young.  Live like it.  Act your age for once and just live.
Trying something new is fun, exciting, and could - possibly - be life-changing.  But to settle for something just because?  No.  Don't you ever do that to me again.

You are worth so much more than that.  Why can't you see it?  And I swear if you pull anything like that again, I will be so disappointed in you... Not angry or frustrated or sad, but worse: let down.
You let me down, you know that?  I thought you were better than that.  I really did.  No, I take that back - I know you're better than that.  And it's about time you straightened yourself up and acted like it.

I mean it - Sit up.  Chin held parallel to the floor.  Eyes focused ahead of you (you better not let me catch you looking down!).  Shoulders back.  Breathe a giant breath in.  Hold it..... Now, release it out through your mouth.
You're beautiful.  You're young and youthful.  You're joyous.  You're everything anyone's ever wanted and more than anyone could ever expect.  You're smart and witty and kind and respectful and likable and your laugh can cure cancer.  You smile with your eyes and when you're happy, so is the world to those surrounding you.  You're contagious.  And you're mine.  And I could not be happier.  I love you so much.
Not because of the way you look or the sound of your voice or the way you move your hands or even the way you touch me that sends shivers down my spine.  It's so much deeper than that; it's because of your ipseity.  I've never met anyone who is quite like you.  You shine above the rest, as cliche as that sounds, and it's you that keeps me going, that keeps me up at night, or that keeps me occupied as my own personal screensaver throughout the day.  I love you.  All of you.  All of you.  Don't you ever do that to me again...

Half and Half

When you wake up and realize your alarm didn't go off (or you turned it off in your sleep) and now you're an hour late for work.

When someone is driving at the speed of smell in the left-hand lane and won't move over.

When you're walking down a hallway behind a large group of people and they suddenly decide to stop.

When the sink is full of dirty dishes.

When you hear, "Let's just be friends."

When you realize you need a day off.

When you drop (and break) your phone.

When all you've got to do is print off your final paper and your printer (or computer) breaks.

Event parking.

Paying for bottled water.

ATM fees.

Operating systems.

Numbers in place of letters (se7en, driv3r).

To-Do Lists.

Finding out your car windows were down after a hard rain.
_

When you find $20 in your winter coat from last year.

When you finally beat that one little flash game you've been punching buttons at for forever now.

When you find your keys (at last).

When someone lands on your hotel in monopoly.

When your friend saves you from a boring conversation at a party.

When you know you're speeding past a police car and you don't get a ticket.

String cheese.

All green lights.

Finding out you have a substitute teacher.

Summer - and all the lemonade, pool/grilling parties, beer specials, and clothing items that come with it.

Getting (real) mail.

Going to a long anticipated movie premiere.

Seeing your hometown license plate while being out of state.

Buying school supplies.

A first kiss.